She used all nine lives and went into extra innings

Posted: June 26, 2016 in Miscellaneous
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You wouldn’t think that a man who fought U-boats and savage storms at sea would name his cats Kitty and Kat, but he did. About 15 years ago, when a stray cat showed up, a female who resembled Kitty (or maybe Kat), the man adopted the stray and named her Junior. That was my father-in-law, who died in March 2011. When Dad wasn’t piloting cruise ships into port or saving stranded freighters in a hurricane, he moved in a cloud of animals.

Junior made herself right at home, taking long naps with this retired sea captain and patroling the property, which overlooked a Florida beach. Every evening for years, Dad put dog food out for the raccoons who lived in the dunes. Once through binoculars, from the safety of the second floor of the house, I watched as the raccoons tucked into their dinner while Junior sat just off to the side. I guess she was there to remind them who their daddy was.

Junior, Dad’s last pet, died a few days ago. He’d been living with my sister-in-law Terry and her husband, Jim, since 2011. Here’s what Terry wrote to the family:

Junior turned either 20 or 21 this past December. Most of the time since we got her she stayed in a separate bedroom and we put a baby gate up in the hall so she could watch the comings and goings of the household. About 3 months ago she lost so much weight that she was able to get through the gate bars. Then about a month ago she started gaining weight, interacted with the dogs and other cats and we thought she had bounced back. Then two days ago she became listless and stopped using the litter box altogether.

You could really tell Junior was Dad’s cat. She did what she damn well wanted to. In the last few days she took up sleeping by the water bowl that Gibbs [one of their dogs] uses, and even though he is 80 pounds she scared the hell out of him, kinda like Dad, little guy who scared the hell out of people.

We were discussing last night that we were going to have to confine Junior either out on the porch or in her room since she no longer used the litter box. Apparently she didn’t think that was a good idea so she decided to check out on her terms.

Thinking tonight about my father-in-law and other people I’ve lost, I’m reminded that we die in pieces rather than all at once. You don’t go for good until the last person who remembers your voice, your laugh, and all the dumb things you did together goes too. Technology has further scrambled the end of life. You can be bereft of life, resting in peace, and still be active on Facebook. On LinkedIn, I’m connected to three people who I know have fallen off the perch.

And then there are the pets we leave behind. I’m sorry to hear that Dad’s last pet has rung down the curtain. But if there’s an afterlife, Dad must be happy about how well Terry and Jim took care of her. I know I am. And I don’t even like cats.

RIP, dear Junior. You were sleeping beside Dad when he died. Thank you for standing that last watch.

 

Hillary Clinton explained

Posted: June 17, 2016 in Miscellaneous, music, Record reviews
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Mr. Wm Seabrook holds down the U.K. desk for Run-DMSteve Worldwide. He’s performing within acceptable parameters, despite his occasional musical lapses (Béla Bartók). In response to my last post about things I have lived long enough to see (which I wrote the day after Hillary Clinton became the Democratic Party’s candidate for president), Wm writes:

I would add to the list:

  • Moon landing
  • Destruction of the Berlin Wall
  • A black president…in South Africa

Excellent choices, Wm. I see what you’re getting at, but I only had to live 14 years to get to the Moon landing, whereas it took me 53 years to arrive at Barack Obama’s inauguration as pesident.

But your list has made me think of even more things I have lived long enough to see:

  • The Mars Rover
  • The International Space Station
  • The Muslim mayor of London
  • The teenage prime minister of Canada

Wm adds this question: “But why is Hillary Clinton seen as so divisive in the U.S.?”

It would be easier to sequence the human genome from stone knives and bear skins than to offer a definitive answer, but I’ll give it a try.

An Englishman’s guide to why Hillary Clinton is so divisive
A preliminary study by Run-DMSteve

  1. She’s a woman.
  2. She’s an ambitious woman. She craves power.
  3. She’s an ambitious woman who won’t defer to ambitious men who crave power.
  4. She refused to shut up while her husband was president.
  5. She doesn’t know how to use email. She forwarded “100 Reasons Why Kirk Is Better Than Picard” to Kim Jong-un!
  6. While she was in the State Dept., she was a terrible secretary. She always forgot to order paper for the printers and she mixed up everyone’s plane reservations.
  7. When Bill ran for president in 1992, his campaign’s theme song was Fleetwood Mac’s “Don’t Stop Thinking About Tomorrow.” Fleetwood Mac promptly re-formed and went on tour. The Republicans have been waiting 25 years to use this one against her.
  8. Her husband cheated on her.
  9. She didn’t divorce his ass when he cheated on her.
  10. Why is Hillary Clinton so divisive? For the same reason Capt. Janeway never got her own movie: She’s a woman.

I hope this helps, Wm.

We also heard from:

Run-DMSteve Platinum Club member Accused of Lurking, who writes about our list: “I’m still waiting for an end to hunger” (what a compassionate man) “and the popularization of personal jet packs” (what a self-absorbed twit).

A rookie, Dr. D, who suggests “DC United wins a fifth MLS Cup.” That’s their real name? In a city that can’t agree on the time of day or the color of the sky, their team is called DC United?

And, finally, SexySandersGuy4788, who says, “Never give up! Never surrender!” I know why you boys are so angry. You joined the Bernie Sanders campaign to get laid, didn’t you? Nerds!

Random Pick of the Day 1
Laura Nyro, Gonna Take a Miracle (1970)
LaBelle recorded seven albums on their own, but they were at their best at the dawn of their career when they backed Laura Nyro, particularly on Nyro’s covers of “Dancing in the Street,” “Nowhere to Run,” and “Jimmy Mack.” You older kids will be out of your chair in seconds, singing and dusting off your Shirelles moves. Fuck you, Fleetwood Mac! Nyro’s version of “Spanish Harlem” is another standout. If you loved the music on Carole King’s Tapestry, you’ll love Laura Nyro’s Gonna Take a Miracle.

Random Pick of the Day 2
Girlschool, The Very Best of Girlschool (2012)
British female pioneers of heavy metal who took up arms in the prehistoric year of 1978. Listening to these 14 songs sent me into a pleasant dream where Deep Purple chilled with Joy Division in ZZ Top’s garage. Probably best suited for serious scholars of metal, though “Demolition Boys” from their 1980 debut, Demolition, seriously rocks.

Random Pan of the Day
The Raincoats, The Raincoats (1980)
Another all-female British group. The Raincoats were punk and post-punk. On this, their debut album, they chant like Siouxsie & The Banshees and sing like The Roches. They’re not good at either. Not recommended even for historians, though some of these songs (“Black and White,” for example) are catchy, at least for a little while. The Raincoats’ cover of The Kinks’ “Lola” is the high point. But c’mon, girls, it’s all the same key, I think.

 

Things I have lived long enough to see

Posted: June 8, 2016 in Miscellaneous
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Women chess masters.

The return of the Kalakala.

They finally fixed the entrance to Interstate 195 in Providence that has been trying to kill me since I learned how to drive.

The Red Sox won the World Series.

Gay marriage.

A black man in the White House.

A woman as the presidential nominee of a major political party.

 

I’m looking forward to updating this list in November!

Happy dog story

Posted: June 5, 2016 in Dog reviews
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In January we voluntarily returned Xena, Warrior Puppy to her breeder. She was five or six months old and exceptionally reactive to noise and movement. Our urban environment pushed her and us to the brink.

Now we have a new puppy, our lucky dog Lucky, but of course we wonder what’s happening with Xena. This week we found out. The breeder broke Xena of her overwhelming urge to chase moving vehicles, but apparently this still wasn’t a dog you could give to a couple who just want a pet to hang with. The breeder found a compromise: Xena is now working under the direction of two cattle dogs, herding livestock on a ranch in Eastern Oregon!

Corgis are the smallest herders. (When we got our first corgi, I tried running with her, but she kept trying to herd me into the nearest barn.) This is excellent news. When I heard this, I felt something unclench inside.

Xena’s duties include traffic control, large mammal management, and corral administration. Other projects as assigned. She’s probably been given a new name, which I hope is something like Red Sonja or Rodeo Queen. She has a home, a pack, and a purpose.

Best of luck in your new job, little Xena!

Hard day's night
It’s been a hard day’s night.

And here’s Lucky’s reaction when I gave him the news about his predecessor:

Graduation gift 042216

It was hot enough in Portland today to melt Donald Trump’s orange face paint

Posted: June 4, 2016 in music, Record reviews
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Astounding songs on atrocious albums, part 1
The Zombies, Odessey and Oracle (1967)

Britpop Invaders The Zombies have reunited! They’ve recorded a new album. They went on tour. They came to Portland! I considered going until I read that they had hired extra musicians so they could play their final album of the ’60s, Odessey and Oracle, from start to finish.

Rock critics routinely refer to Odessey and Oracle as a neglected masterwork. It is not. I don’t know what it is, but it’s not that. Odessey and Oracle is like psychedelia and bubblegum trapped in an abusive relationship. The first 11 tracks lack depth, bite, and interest. Status Quo’s “Pictures of Matchstick Men,” Strawberry Alarm Clock’s cover of “You Keep Me Hanging On,” and even The Lemonpipers’ “Green Tambourine” are better. I’d rather listen to the drum solo in Iron Butterfly’s “In-A-Gadda-Da-Vida” (baby).

However! Odessey and Oracle has 12 tracks. That’s one louder than 11. The 12th track is “Time of the Season.” In any library of the best songs of the ’60s, “Time of the Season” is part of the core collection.

If The Zombies had promised to play “Time of the Season” 12 times, I might’ve gone to their stupid show.

Astounding songs on atrocious albums, part 2
Nancy Sinatra and Lee Hazlewood, Nancy & Lee (1968)

Nancy Sinatra will always be revered for recording “These Boots Are Made for Walking” and for posing in Playboy at the age of 55.

(Taking her clothes off was the only way she could get people to pay attention to her first album in 25 years. That says much more about the music business than it does about her.)

Lee Hazlewood produced “These Boots” and other hits for Nancy. He produced many artists, wrote hit records, recorded obscure records mostly to satisfy himself, and was by all accounts a man who went his own way.

In 1968, Sinatra and Hazlewood capitalized on their success together and recorded Nancy & Lee…one of the worst records I have ever heard. It sold a million copies in its day, which only demonstrates that people in 1968 were nuts.

The album begins with a cover of The Righteous Brothers’ “You’ve Lost That Lovin’ Feelin’.” Based on the evidence presented here, I don’t believe Nancy and Lee ever had a loving feeling to lose. I don’t believe they’ve even met before.

The album proceeds from this point in a countrified direction, which Lee is suited for but Nancy is not. When she sings “Alabam” for “Alabama,” she doesn’t sound like a country girl, she sounds like a carpetbagger.

“Greenwich Village Folk Song Salesman” doesn’t notice the Vietnam War and riots in the streets, “Lady Bird” is not about the First Lady, it’s about a bird, and Jesus Christ in a chicken basket, they trample Johnny and June Cash’s signature duet, “Jackson.” You got married in a fever? You did not!

The sole reason to listen to Nancy & Lee is “Some Velvet Morning,” a psychedelic journey starring Phaedra, an ancient Greek god who is really into nature. It was written by Hazlewood (in 2007, he recorded a duet of this song with his granddaughter…Phaedra) and sung memorably by both of them.

What’s it about? I hope it about made them a lot of money. Is it good? Applying words such as “good” or “bad” to “Some Velvet Morning” is as futile as resisting the Borg or waiting for the Cubs to win the World Series. “Some Velvet Morning” stands alone. There’s nothing like it in the popular music of the 1960s. Should we celebrate or mourn that fact? No one can say.

Every year in this country, this hemisphere, this planet, there is a 20-year-old DJ at a college radio station who slaps this record onto a turntable and says, “You gotta hear this!” That’s how I heard “Some Velvet Morning” the other day, and for three minutes and 39 seconds I was right there with her. Yeah. You gotta hear this.

Astounding songs on atrocious albums, part 3
The American Breed, Bend Me, Shape Me (1967)

This series could go on forever, like the line for the bathroom at a rave. I’ll stop with “Bend Me, Shape Me.” Aside from this song, the only reason to pay any attention to this band is that two of the Breeders went on to play in Rufus. Which means they knew Chaka Khan. I’m not worthy!

 

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