Archive for August, 2014

When I was visiting my parents in July, I spent some hours tunneling through decades of debris in the old family mansion. My assistant was my 12-year-old nephew, Jared. We had hard hats, headlamps, rope, pickaxes, specimen bottles – everything you need when dealing with your parents’ lifetime store of stuff. My main goal was to not lose Jared back in the 1950s.

Jared wasn’t impressed by most of what we found that afternoon. I think he was hoping for something that had fallen off a passing comet and that Dad had trapped in the back yard and boxed up in the basement. About the only thing that interested him was an electric, plug-in calculator that only printed on one side of a roll of paper tape. Jared, who lives in a wholly digital world, thought it was cool that a machine could leave a printed record of its work. Either that or he just thought it was cool that I let him take it apart.

But I found something I thought was cool: Pencils.

Toward the end of our expedition we uncovered Dad’s buried office-supply ammunition dump. Among the billions of staples and petrified erasers and rubber bands that no longer band and gummed labels to label things that no longer exist, were unopened boxes of pencils he’s been accumulating since World War II:

Bygone pencils
In case you’re wondering, an old pencil’s value on eBay is approximately one dollar in U.S. money.

I was thrilled to find these, though I couldn’t say for sure why. When I don’t have a computer in front of me, I have a pen in my hand. But there’s something about pencils, and their fragrance, that makes you happy. Like skipping. You can’t skip and not be happy. You can’t open a box of pencils and not feel happy looking at all that unsharpened potential.

Crayons
I’ll use these extra-thick crayons when I write to emphasize my characters’ emotional traumas.

I brought some boxes home in my luggage and vowed to try writing with pencils. Why not? Two writers who have meant a lot to me, Thomas Wolfe and John Updike, used pencils.

Thomas Wolfe holds two important records in American letters:

  1. Most posthumous novels: 2 (The Web and the Rock and You Can’t Go Home Again)
  2. Most bad writing from a great writer: I figure it’s about 50-50.

Wolfe, who was six and a half feet tall, used the top of a refrigerator as his desk. He wrote with a pencil almost as thick as a crayon to scrawl 20 or 25 words on a page. He then swept the page off the fridge and started on the next. Then there’s Updike, who wrote Couples and three of the four Rabbit books with a pencil. So who am I to argue?

“Lying in bed would be an altogether perfect and supreme experience if only one had a colored pencil long enough to draw on the ceiling.” (G.K. Chesterton)
The first thing I noticed about writing with a pencil is that the physical process is exhilarating. The feel of the pencil in your grip, the paper under the point, the lead wearing down, your words spooling out from under your hand. Some of these pencils were of a diameter that no longer fits inside modern electric pencil sharpeners, and I don’t have one of those crank models with the different aperture sizes. I had to whip out my pocketknife and whittle these guys to a point.

The second thing I noticed about writing with a pencil is that it’s goddamned slow. We are not accustomed anymore to slow. We live in a world where our computers occasionally ask us if we want to “disable add-ons and speed up browsing.” Some of those add-ons are adding an extra 0.2 seconds to our browser load times. Accursed add-on! From Hell’s dark heart I stab at thee!

However, I do love revising, and writing with a pencil reminded me of writing with a pen and, when I got the story off the ground, moving to my typewriter. Later I wrote with a pen and moved to my computer, and for years now the computer is where I’ve started.

But this pencil thing was interesting, and not just from nostalgia. A couple of pencils and a pad of paper work better for me on a plane because the airlines have taken away all the space I once had to write with my laptop. Pencil and paper works better for me at my favorite coffee spot. And if you love to revise, you’ll love pencils, because what you just wrote with a pencil is in no way ready for public viewing.

You can also doodle with a pencil. Try that in Word.

I’m not going to replace my computer with pencils, but they’re a welcome change-up. As for my nephew, a retired gentleman in his hometown has been teaching Jared how to whittle. Cool is not reserved for what’s online.

Random Pick of the Day
Fitz and The Tantrums, More Than Just a Dream (2013)
1960s soul meets alternative rock, assuming anyone can define “alternative.” If you love whistling (and I know you do), you’ll love “The Walker.” The album’s closer, “MerryGoRound,” is a throwback to Phil Spector’s Wall of Sound.

Random Pan of the Day
Prince, Controversy (1981)
Coming off the success of Dirty Mind, I would’ve expected better. The title track is a towering inferno, offering an inescapable dance groove and a recitation of the Lord’s Prayer. C’mon, isn’t that what you want to hear at a club? But musically, the rest of this album lies down and stays put.

These songs are about sex or social protest, or sex and social protest. When Prince sticks to sex he’s on surer ground, particularly on “Jack U Off,” in which he volunteers to help sexually frustrated females: “I only do it for a worthy cause/virginity or menopause.” After side trips to “the movie show,” a restaurant, and “your momma’s car,” he demonstrates his egalitarian nature:

If you ain’t chicken baby, come here
If you’re good, I’ll even let you steer
As a matter of fact, you can jack me off

Unlike Springsteen, who hit his stride with his third album and didn’t falter until he released Lucky Town and Human Touch in 1992, Prince’s fourth album doesn’t sound good after Dirty Mind. But on his next album he parties like it’s 1999. Until then.

Random Wife of the Day
This weekend, Special D is touring the gritty, industrial, culturally backward wasteland that is Seattle. Hope she can find a decent cup of coffee. In case you’re reading this: I have conquered the wisteria.

Random Video of the Day
If you haven’t visited my video yet, please do! True, it’s one minute and 11 seconds of your life that you’ll never get back, but what were you going to do with that time except watch cute animal videos? (Many thanks to Loyal Reader and Southern Industrialist Corncobb for the link.)

 

 

 

 

 

My early reading career in science fiction taught me that technology was going to revolutionize how we would work for a living. Nevermind offices and assembly lines and Dr. Kildare. In the future, working for a living would involve saving the galaxy from marauding alien species who were somehow metaphors for everything that already terrified us. Wow! Plus look at all that futuristic sex those guys wrote about. So what if most of them had never actually had sex?

This was heady stuff for a young teenager suffering in the middle of Boredom, USA, but one thing those old books and stories didn’t much venture into was what technology was going to do to the ways in which we play. (Let’s leave, for example, Robert A. Heinlein’s theories on sex out of this.)

In my case, all this tech has given me a new way to play with art. Thanks to the magic of Animoto, I present to you my latest video! Please watch it, it’s just 1:10 and I don’t want to pressure you but this may be my last chance to be famous. Why are you being so mean?

I am not what you’d call a traditional artist. Perspective is something I expect from an editorial in The New York Times. Colors? Special D explains it all for me. Awhile back, she found the Farnsworth-Munsell 100 HueColor Vision Test and loved it so much she took it twice. I took it once and it was torture.

But thanks to Animoto, I can stamp my heart out, upload my masterworks, and go head-to-head with funny cat videos! Welcome to the future. (Welcome to my blog, random person from Latvia who stopped by earlier today. Sorry, I don’t know how to say WTF in your language.) The authors I was reading in the days before I discovered girls right here on Earth had no idea what the future would really be like.

Next time: We will get the lead out.

Random Pick of the Day
Dum Dum Girls, Too True (2014)
Why wasn’t this album released in 1985? It combines the pop-music lyricism and self-absorption of Tears For Fears with the dark, otherworldly guitars of The Dream Syndicate. Give me more of that.

Bonus: On their previous record, Only in Dreams (2011), they pretend to be The Pretenders!

Random Pan of the Day
Beyoncé, Dangerously in Love (2003)
The woman can obviously sing, but why won’t they let her? On Dangerously in Love, Beyoncé is surrounded by back-up singers galore plus famous guest stars including Jay-Z, Missy Elliott, and the somnolent Luther Vandross, who must’ve been channeling Perry Como. I kept waiting for her to floor it, but except for the thunderous opening cut, “Crazy in Love” (her first trip to the top of the charts), she mostly plays it safe.

Beyoncé can definitely croon, and “Be With You” is fun with its echo of the Shuggie Otis/Brothers Johnson disco classic, “Strawberry Letter 23.” But I wanted some action. The closing track, “Daddy,” is Beyoncé’s heartfelt appreciation of her father. I’m glad they have such a loving relationship, but to an outsider this lullaby is a good time to get up and see what the boys in the back room are having. Prince would’ve turned this song inside-out. Hey, remember Prince? I haven’t forgotten. I’m about ready to tee up on his fourth album, Controversy.

 

Sometime around 1990 I broke a shovel while trying to lever a stump out of my wife’s garden. I walked up the hill to our neighborhood hardware store and asked one of the boys there for a good shovel. I’d like to think this was bearded Greg, our favorite. Whoever it was handed down a shovel from the wall rack and said, “This is our best.”

Greg wasn’t kidding. I used that shovel in the yards and gardens of the three houses we’ve owned, digging holes for the A-Z of green growing things that Special D has planted and digging out the remains of plants that displeased her. I moved rocks. I dug post holes. I dug a ditch when one of our pipes burst underground and the plumber, who couldn’t maneuver a back hoe in the confined space at the side of our house, threatened to do it himself for a breathtaking $100 per hour.

I levered out many a stump of a plant or tree that just didn’t work anymore. I’m good at it; so good, in fact, that my metal name is Stümp Gryndr, though the sporting press refers to me as Death to Rooted Things. Here’s an azalea stump I vanquished in 2009, with a 35-pound corgi, the late Teddy, for scale:

Teddy digs it out 0909
Notice: No corgis were hurt or inconvenienced in the extraction and removal of this stump. This corgi received a transfer of one (1) Alpo Snap as soon as he was released from duty.

But last week I fought a four-year-old vine maple stump and the stump won. My shovel gave me 25 years of good service. I wish I could give you the name of the manufacturer but I long ago wore any corporate iconography off the handle.

Recycle, reuse, spend some intimate time with your tools
As a New Englander, I hate waste. What was I going to do with a broken shovel? Turn it into a stake for the garden. You pound these into the corners and when you drag your hoses across the lawn the stake keeps you from decapitating something your spouse might get wicked mad about.

Here’s the patient before surgery.

Shovel 1

Cut off the blade. I took it to my local recycler and lowered it, after a moment of respectful silence, into the metals bin.

Shovel 2

I sliced off the rubber jacket, which amazingly had stayed snug to the handle all these years, and exposed the original color of the wood.

Shovel 3

Then, through a mysterious process known only to me and Black & Decker, I sharpened one end.

Shovel 4

The result is a stake that’s just over a yard long (one full meter to the Russian Federation reader who visited this blog today). Use a heavy hammer to bury it about halfway. Here’s a stake I made earlier this summer:

Shovel 5

What if you don’t want to wait until you break a shovel?
You could invite me over to break one. Better yet, go to estate sales. The people who are passing away now and taking leave of their earthly possessions bought long-handled garden tools in an era when those handles were made of a dense wood that lasts a long time underground and exposed to the weather. I usually find them for a dollar or two. Recycle the metal business end and I won’t yell at you!

On the day I broke my shovel, I walked up the hill to our neighborhood hardware store and asked one of the boys there for a good shovel. I told him my story and said, “I’ll be back for my next shovel around 2040.” He said, solemnly, “I will not be working here.”

Next post: I’m gonna fill you full of lead (No. 2-5/10).

Random Pick of the Day
Petra Haden and Bill Frisell, Petra Haden and Bill Frisell (2003)
Includes their exquisite covers of Stevie Wonder’s “I Believe” and Coldplay’s “Yellow,” though you also have to put up with their perspectives on “I Don’t Want to Grow Up” and “When You Wish Upon a Star.”

Random Pan of the Day
Randy Newman, Land of Dreams (1988)
Some beautiful piano work here, particularly on “Dixie Flyer,” but most of it sounds like Mr. Newman’s many many many soundtracks. The rap parodies were funny in 1988, if you were white and nervous about rap. And yet this is the guy who gave us Sail Away (how can you beat “You Can Leave Your Hat On”?) and the soundtrack to The Natural (which brought the whole movie to life).

I’m back and I thank you for your unreasoning faith in my ability to write something worth reading. I hope you’re all having a summer filled with invigorating sunshine and refreshing cold drinks, unless you’re one of my Southern Hemisphere readers, in which case I hope you’re having a winter filled with, well, if it’s winter where you are you’d probably enjoy a hot afternoon and bottles of beer in a tub full of ice.

I have traveled and done and seen much since I took my break at the end of June, including my birthday, a trip to the Old Country (Massachusetts), a road trip into the mysterious green half of Washington state, the annual Clarion West Write-a-thon, a tidal wave of new music, the Prince Project, the  never-ending story that is my novel, and a freelance client who acts rationally and pays promptly (I can’t figure out what con they’re trying to run on me).

I’m going to take the time this week to catch up. To get going, and to stretch my brain with something easy, here are some shout-outs:

The Rue De L’Espoir on Hope Street in the old section of Providence, Rhode Island, is supposedly French but serves a four-star U.S. American breakfast. When you’ve finished eating, you can walk around the beautiful urban campus of Brown University with its many 19th-century buildings and of course Wilson Hall, where I played chess in high school.

There’s not much to recommend in my hometown of Somerset, Mass., except for the ice cream, my favorite English teacher, and my parents:

60 years
And yet I am so young…

When Loyal Reader Gravel Ax was a high school student in Bellingham, Washington, she had a friend who wanted to be a writer. He didn’t want to stay up late trying to write at home, where he had his parents and siblings to contend with, he wanted to go to a café the way Hemingway went to a café in Paris in 1922. But in Bellingham in that medieval era, this poor boy’s only option was the Denny’s by the freeway. At least they gave him free refills on the coffee.

These days in Bellingham you’d have no trouble spilling your tortured soul all over town because Bellingham no longer shuts down so everyone can go home and eat meatloaf for dinner. Special D and I found this out at 9pm on a Monday when we tried to buy ice cream downtown and were confronted with a line of 100 hip Bellinghamsters in front of us.

At least three of my Loyal Readers are more expert in Bellingham culture than I am, including Gravel Ax and Seattleites Accused of Lurking and his no-nonsense sidekick, Katzniss. But here are two places to remember:

At Blue Fin Sushi, the atmo dial is stuck at zero. The place is located in a minimall on a Gasoline Alley sort of thoroughfare (the Denny’s from three paragraphs ago is nearby). This space used to be a nail salon, or a dog wash, or an auto insurance agency, and if Blue Fin does well and moves to swankier accommodations, it will be again. But the sushi is terrific, generous, and cheap!

Bellingham has plenty of great restaurants now, but The Table is still one of my favorites, particularly in the winter. Do you like pasta? If you don’t you’re no good!

Bellingham may change but the Cascades are pretty much the same, not counting the occasional volcanic eruption. If you can’t get to Mt. Rainier, Mt. Baker will pinch-hit. As part of our continuing project to revisit hikes we haven’t done in 20 years, this summer we took on Heliotrope Ridge. The view was stunning and the water in the three creeks we crossed stunningly cold. These creeks are fed by glaciers, and as the sun warms the ice the creeks rise and run faster. (The creek you crossed in the morning is not the same body of water when you encounter it again in the afternoon, on your way down.) Naturally, once the sun sets, the creeks drop and run slower. After all these years of hiking, it finally occurred to me that snowmelt has tides.

Other Mt. Baker hikes we can vouch for: Railroad Grade and one we re-hiked last summer, Skyline Divide:

Skyline Divide 18 years later Aug 13
Run-DMSteve conquers the wilderness.

That’s all for today. When I return in a few days…we’re gonna get dirty.

Random Pick of the Day
Cream, Disraeli Gears (1967)
This is a very British album, eccentric and sly, more like The Kinks or Sgt. Pepper’s than Led Zeppelin’s blues-based storm and drain. But when Cream gets heavy, they reinvent gravity. “Sunshine of Your Love” is that rare thing, a love song that would also fit the soundtrack of the apocalypse.

Random Pan of the Day
Ginger Baker, Why? (2014)
Years ago, the first answer in any pop trivia contest was “Ginger Baker.” (Just as the first answer in any baseball trivia contest of that era was “Ron Santo.”*) The years have passed but Baker drums on, mastering any genre that strikes his fancy, this time jazz. He’s assembled a good group of musicians, and his drumming is impeccable, but I wasn’t moved by Why? and the many extended jams. On the album cover, Baker makes Peter O’Toole look like a supermodel.

* Unless it was Sal Bando.